WWE Draft Shows

Is it just me or is the concept of a WWE ‘draft’ one of the most insanely retarded concepts that the company has come up with? Does anybody really care? I tried to watch Raw last night, it was however a chore to do so.

To be honest I couldn’t even tell you who was on what show anyway, they all cross-over all of the time as it is, especially prior to Wrestlemania which is what we are just coming off of. The worst part of the show is probably having to listen to the announcers act as if we are witnessing something special, or exciting, or worth anyone’s time just because Melina got switched over from the Monday night show to the Friday night one. It’s ridiculous, really it is.

As I was trying to watch Raw last night, a few things came to mind. I started to think of a few reasons why watching the WWE is such a chore these days. The top four reasons were:

4th- The announcers.

I’ve already done a blog on how great Heenan & Monsoon were, and how bad the announcers of the present are. Last night, however, the viewing audiences was ‘treated’ to all six of the WWE’s announcers. Jerry Lawler, someone whom I initially liked back in the early to mid 1990s is just a farce these days. He’s become unlistenable and predictable. Michael Cole is as drab as it gets, at least Lawler can still manage to be entertaining in isolated spots. I have to be honest, since I don’t watch Smackdown as much as I do Raw, but Cole makes me miss Ross. That’s a hard thing to do. The ECW guys are actually the best of the bunch.

3rd – The use of the word ‘brand’

They keep using the word ‘brand’ on these broadcasts, as if Raw and Smackdown are brands. They are not brands, they are bad television shows and they’re getting worse all the time. ECW is a brand! It is a brand that the WWE has killed, and resurrected simply as another bad television show.

2nd – Watching John Cena and the corporate machine backing him try to do everything he (and they) can to be a posing Rock/Will Smith hybrid.

John Cena is not the Rock and he never will be the Rock. I used to love Rocky Maivia when he turned heel, at first it seemed strange but he took to it and became one of the most entertaining heels ever. When Rock went baby-face what made him unique just made him a boring cartoon. That being said, Rock still had charisma and personality which as translated over into a successful movie career which has allowed him to do something no other wrestler has ever really been able to do: leave wrestling behind. John Cena does not have this appeal, no matter how much the company wants you to think he does. They can make 100 bad movies with Cena as the star, and they can give Cena all of the punchlines and one-liners they can in their staff meetings, etc, etc. It’s not happening. Cena is not funny, he is not entertaining and the whole act is just boring.

Now in the ring, strictly as a wrestling performer, other than his cartoonish-poser five-knuckle shuffle manuver, or whatever you want to call it, and his denim-short-sneaker combo wrestling garb, Cena is pretty good. But that’s all he is.I’m just wondering how long it will be before he drops the title again so the company can build his match at recapturing it at Summerslam again.

1st – The obnoxious way in which the announcers no longer call the WWE: ‘the WWE,’ they simply refer to it as ‘WWE.’ There is no definite article ‘the’ preceding it.

In the movie The Good Shepherd one of the final scenes as Matt Damon’s character asking his friend, who has just gotten him a position in the newly established CIA “Why don’t we call it the CIA? Why is it just called CIA?’ His friends response was something to the affect of: ‘You don’t call it the God, do you? He’s just God.”

Now I understand that when you wish to use World Wrestling Entertainment in a sentence, there is no need for the use of the article ‘the.’ However, when you use the abbreviation WWE the use of the article is appropriate. The company no longer does this however. You can bet that when the company-wide memo went out explaining that the company should simply be referred to as ‘WWE’ and not ‘the WWE’ that the McMahons had this god-notion in place. It also probably bothered them that nobody really calls TNA, the TNA, for example. I have no problem with TNA being called TNA though, simply because the T stands for total – it’s an adjective, no article necessarily needed. The W in the WWE stands for world, which is a noun, therefore it is more than appropriate to precede it with ‘the.’ Even the C for the CIA (I still use the article for the CIA even if it is considered a faux pax by some) is for central, which is also an adjective… but anyway, enough of the laws of grammar. Fact is, the WWE has been called the WWF or the WWE for far too long for them to be making a conscious effort to simply start referring to themselves as WWE now. It’s a subliminal god-complex thing, and you know that when the kiddie-show Superstars is resurrected again you’ll be hearing more of the same, so that the company can have the next generation be brought up under this concept.

I just can’t wait for the day when I call it “the WWE,” in front of someone, only to have them correct me and say “No you’re wrong, there is no ‘the,’ it’s just WWE.”

The one bright spot of the show this past Monday: Jack Swagger.

I watched Cena’s match with Jack Swagger simply because I like Swagger. One thing the WWE does have going for it is that they are loaded with young talent, including Swagger. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Swagger & Cena aren’t headlining a Wrestlemania sometime in the near future. Jack Swagger looks like he could be that good. (Swagger is going to need some help losing the lisp though, it’s going to hold him back). Even the crowd was chanting for Swagger, which I was happy to hear. I’m sure the powers that be were not, considering he was wrestling Cena.

I still can’t believe Michael Cole makes me miss Jim Ross.

The Eve of Wrestlemania 25, zzzzzzzz

On the eve of Wrestlemania 25 I look back and remember all of the great Wrestelmanias of the past and compare it to this one.

I wasn’t old enough to remember watching the first two Wrestlemanias while they were happening, they had to be rented from the videostore after they were already 1-2 years old respectively. I was old enough to remember Wrestlemania 3 however. In all honesty, Wrestlemania 3 is still the greatest Wrestlemania as far as I’m concerned. It was unlike anything ever before seen. Hulkamania had been running wild for over three years, and it reached its climax on that day the moment Hogand body-slammed Andre (of course Hogan had body-slammed in many matches before, and Andre had been body-slammed by many others before – but I didn’t know that then).

I remember Wrestlemania 4, and the elation I shared with friends in seeing the Macho Man as the new WWF champion. I remember Wrestlemania 5 and the utter disappointment when Macho lost the title back to Hogan. I remember 6, cheering once again as The Ultimate Warrior for the first (and only time). **I liked Hulk Hogan matches, but more often than not rooted against him**

Wrestlemania 8 was spectacular from beginning to end. Wrestlemania 10 was an event stolen by the show that Shawn Michaels and Scott ‘Razor Ramon’ Hall out on during their Ladder Match. Wrestlemania 13 was a landmark event: The Undertaker’s shining moment and the immortal Bret Hart-Steve Austin match. Wrestlemania 18 saw Hogan & Rock meet in what was just an electric atmosphere. The list of great matches at Wrestlemania can go on and on…

Well here we are, Wrestlemania 25, the silver anniversary of the WWE’s showcase event. I have to say say though, I am underwhelmed.

The main event, despite what the promoter wants to say, is Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker. These two have an interesting and often-overlooked rivalry in the WWF/E If this were any other pay-per-view, this would be a tremendous match. But the fact is, everyone knows how it’s going to turn out. So the air is out of the balloon on that one.

One half of the billed main event, however, is HHH vs Randy Orton. Now I like both of these guys, but come on. HHH vs. Randy Orton? really? again? These two must have faced off against each other in some capacity 200 times in the past five years. So we get it again? for Wrestlemania? Am I supposed to care more now because he RKO’d Stephanie?? The fact is the storylines building this match up were ridiculous (the writers don’t think very much of fans when they stage a ‘home break-in’ that just so happens to have TV cameras all over Orton’s would-be home, it makes me sick – oh, and so now Orton is happily married? Didn’t we just see him dumping Kelly Kelly after a one-night stand? This is what the writers think of the fans). The WWE has been over-using Orton and in the entirely wrong way for years now. Even the ‘Legacy’ angle, which might seem clever and a natural fit, is lame. In Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase, and a lesser degree Cody Rhodes – we have top talents being wasted in storylines that are just absurd. Who is going to win the match? Does it really matter? Whomever it is that wins this time will be the one I’m sure who loses at the next ppv when HHH & Orton face off yet again.

That brings us to the other half of the supposed main event. A Triple Threat (yawn) between Big Show – Edge and Cena. I feel like I’m repeating myself here, but this match is subliminally trying to be billed as a Cena Handicap Match against Big Show and Edge. Haven’t we seen Cena against both of these two many times before? The answer of course, is yes. Talk about horrid build-up to a match, the Vicky Guerrero angle is indescribably ridiculous (I really hope the WWE just cuts ties with Vicky Guerrero, and Chavo for that matter. Chavo does nothing but live off the legacy of his uncle and Vicky just makes for bad television). I’d really like to see Big Show win this one. I’m not a huge fan of Big Show, but he deserves his moment. It’s a shame it couldn’t be a straight-up one-on-one match with either Cena or Edge (or whomever they’d want to have with the strap, its bounced around so many times it doesn’t even matter anymore, just so happens now that it’s Edge). I have a horrible feeling that Cena might win – which if he does, I might have to go on a WWE boycott for a while, because I just can’t take very much more of John Cena. Is the WWE really going to crown him at yet another pay-per-view? How many times are they planning on doing this? Cena stars in the biggest bomb of the decade (12 Round, which you couldn’t pay me to go see) and they crown him – sounds stupid, but it’s just the kind of thing the WWE would do these days.

As for the rest of the show, what really is there? The John Morrison & Miz match against the Colons looks interesting on paper. I guess the WWE has decided to go with only one tag Team Champion – which I have no problem with since the WWE doesn’t really use tag teams anymore anyway – hence the title, even an undisputed tag team title, is all but meaningless. Really, this match is only with watching thanks in part to the Bella sisters (here is too hoping Playboy makes them an offer they can’t refuse, in which they’ll pose together).

The Diva Battle Royal? Well, if Santino is involved somehow, I’m sure they’ll at least be something of an entertainment factor involved.

Chris Jericho against Steamboat-Piper-Snuka. I can’t get into this match. It’s just dumb. I feel bad for Jericho in that this should have been a match against Rourke, which would have given Jericho all kinds of crossover press, but it didn’t pan out. So he’s stuck in this match, eh…nothing really you can say about it.

We have the Hardy Boy match – which is just another who cares match to me. I’ve never been a big Hardy Boys fan (always preferred Edge & Christian), and as single competitors Matt’s matches are always just one-notch above downing a bottle of Nyquil. Jeff, on the otherhand is always fun to watch, but really nothing more than a sideshow. I can’t really get into this match too much. Of all the storylines, this at least has some kind of organic legitimacy to it (I coul dhave lived without the wink*wink Matt burned Jeff’s home down bit though)

I saw somewhere that this show is slated to be four hours long. That better be one hell of a ladder match. All I can say is: wake me when its over.